this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
