i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
