MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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