I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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