i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
