you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
