I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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