It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
