her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
