i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want to make out with him forever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
