I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
