Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
