Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My dick has a subreddit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
