I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
