nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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