fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
