dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
