We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
