At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
