you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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