just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
