I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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