"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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