I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
