Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
