I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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