PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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