she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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