she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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