I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
