At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
