life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
