But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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