They should really pass out barf bags in church
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
