what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
