i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
