walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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