What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
