GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
