Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
