what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
