Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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