ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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