Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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