GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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