i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
