I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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