i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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