Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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