hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
