Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
