if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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