He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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