VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize