its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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