I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I believe in your delicious
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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