What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
