finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
