Got a toothbrush?
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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