Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
