Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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