you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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