found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
