Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
