Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
