What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im holly from the hills drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
