thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
