I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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