Do vagina's smell?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
