glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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